Hunting House » Hunting Equipment » The Outdoorsman's guide to computer terms (Humor)
The Outdoorsman's guide to computer terms (Humor)
Question:
and here’s ome more….. HARD DRIVE: chasing deer on these near vertical slopes in Virginia RAM: loading method employed by 20ga users when given 12 ga shells MEGABYTE: characteristic of mosquitos during spring gobbler season SERIAL PORT: where breakfast goes (say it out loud) MODEM: used with down, referring to shooting proficiency SPAM: midday meal, resulting in dyspesia and increased flatulence KEYBOARD: place in cabin where keys are never placed anybody else? mushy
Response:
[....] : KEYBOARD: place in cabin where keys are never placed : anybody else? INTEL: Long and boring discussions by some member of the party about terrain, drive tactics, wind-direction, etc. MEGAHERTZ: Condition felt by those taking a stand, pre-dawn, after several bowls of camp chili the night before, along with 10-12 beers, or the better part of a fifth. I/O: Another description for a guided, out-of-state hunt. UART: Related to camp chili — most often experienced in a crowded tent, or other closed environment. Not uncommon directly before breakfast. CACHE: What one does with any piece of expensive hunting equipment the wife doesn’t know about. RISC: *Not* bothering to "CACHE." C: Experienced by every hunter who doesn’t return with game. C++: Related to "C" but occurs when: a) a round isn’t chambered, b) before or after legal shooting hours, c) while on the latrine. (Note: veteran hunters tend to scorn this language).
Response:
I found this list in the Sept. issue of the Field & Stream. COMPUTER: 1) A $2,000 piece of equipment used to eplace the $1.99 notebook you kept your important hunting and fishing addresses in. 2)The finacial equivalent of four good deer rifles, forty fishing rods, or a down pay-ment on a RV. DOWNTIME: Any period when you aren’t hunting or fishing. BOOT: A leather contrivance worn on the foot to attract water and cold. ONLINE: The brief period between when a fish is hooked and when it is lost. NETWORK: What you have to resort to when you can’t catch a fish online. DEFAULT DRIVE: Getting stuck providing transportation for you hunting buddies. The probability of becoming a default driver increases tremendiously of you have a new 4×4. COBOL: The sound made by the transmission of your new 4×4 as it hits a rock while you’re serving as the default driver. HARDWARE: Clothing worn by an ice fisherman shortly after he emerges from the hole he fell in. CURSOR: Name given to individuals who blurt out expletives in moments of extreme disappoinment while hunting or fishing. JOYSTICK: Affectionate name given to any fishing rod you actually catch fish with. MEMORY: 1) Something you once had. 2) a mysterious force that can turn an 8-inch bass into a 5-pounder, or 5 hours of sleet a freezing rain into a beautiful day in the duck blind. MOUSE: The "nothing" that your dog barks at hysterically at 3 A.M. MOUSE PAD: The condo the mouse built in the new down vest you left in the corner of the garage after your last hunting trip. SOFTWARE: Your favorite shirt after you’ve worn it for several years. SHAREWARE: Something that you needn’t worry about happening to your software. VIRUS: Disease you pretend to have when you call in sick to go fishing. The duration of the virus will depend on how good the fishing is. VGA: Very Good Act. What you need to put on in front of your boss and co-workers when you return to work after calling in sick with a virus. WEB: The name for the knotted mess of fishing line your son or daughter ask you to straighten out moments into opening day of trout season FLOPPYDRIVE: The loose rack-and-pinion steering in every one elses vehical which makes you the default drive. Japheth "JP" Stauffer " With the Lord in your heart, there’s two in the deerstand, and you’ll never hunt alone again."